Marlboro's Pulled Pork

About 2.5 lbs. Pork Shoulder
1 Bottle Safeway Select Hickory BBQ Sauce
El Original Mas Calidad Pico de Gallo's "Pico Limon" from a Dollar Store or Mexican Market
Crushed Red Pepper
4 Cloves Garlic
A Sixer of Old Milwaukee
A Pack of Smokes
A Ass Pocket of Whiskey
Bread

Pour a shot and then open a beer. Turn on Crock Pot to Low, take shot and chase it with beer. Finish the beer and open another. Light a smoke. Put the pork into Crock Pot. Open the BBQ sauce and taste it, it's good. Sip the beer while pouring the BBQ sauce over the pork. You should be able to finish your beer by the time the BBQ sauce bottle is empty. Crack another beer and pour a shot. Take the shot and chase it with half of the fresh beer. Pour the other half into the Crock Pot. Put the smoke out in one of the empty cans. Crush it on your head. Press garlic in to Crock Pot and lick your fingers. Light another smoke and add Pico and red pepper to taste. Put lid on Crock Pot. Pace around the house and finish all of the alcohol, even the hidden stash. Go for a walk and smoke smokes. Arrive at the Asti/G-Honk/Old Tavern. Drink until closing. Start to walk home and make friends with a bum named Reno. Invite him over for Marlboro's Pulled Pork. Find out he's Jewish and doesn't eat swine. That's okay, more for you. Get home eight hours after the first beer was crackd and smell your house... Soul. Go to the Crock Pot and pull apart pork with two forks. Remember that you have another hidden stash of beer in the crisper. Crack one and drink. Put two slices of bread on a plate and slop some of that shit from the Crock Pot on to it. Eat. Repeat any instructions as necessary.